(follows blog entry “Could I? Should I?”)
So following my insecurity about entering this years Star in a Bra competition, (run by lingerie line Curvy Kate in conjunction with Simply Yours) the panic, the night sweats, the worry…I made it through on the public vote to the final top ten!! Me? Yeah me. No, I don’t quite get it. I’m in the top ten? Yep. I truly couldn’t believe my luck and sat at home on my own watching the results come in I was more than a little bit emotionally overwhelmed.
I was glued to the computer as they announced the ten girls lucky enough to have made it through to the next stage and when I saw my name, in all honesty? I cried. Weird enough that I had so much riding on this, but to cry about it? Why get so wound up about lingerie modelling? I’ve never done it, and never even entertained the idea of attempting to do it before this so it may seem a little bit over the top, but then again, it wasn’t all about the underwear. I think when you’ve had a significant love hate relationship with your body for most of your life, your own long awaited acceptance of it is solution enough. Having other people think it’s alright and actually go to the effort of voting for in your undergarments is just about enough to tip you over the edge.
Following the realisation that I was now to be a part of the competition to it’s conclusion I started thinking about the photo shoot myself and the other nine girls were to be a part of. Had I actually thought this though? Now I had to go to London, get my kit off and pose in my underwear in front of a camera. An actual camera, in my actual undies. Really?! Believe me, I had my doubts, but the overriding emotion at this stage was one of excitement. It would be a rare occasion in my life I’d be seen in front of the camera (normally acting the fool) instead of behind it and despite the nerves and there being more to life…I’m a girl at the end of the day and I couldn’t deny the the fact that professional hair and makeup had me sold! Oh, and the little matter of a chocolate hamper goodie bag.
The photo shoot didn’t disappoint. The crew were welcoming, the house beautiful, my makeup flawless, my hair enormous and the photos? I have no clue, they come out tomorrow so we’ll all get to see those together! Most importantly, the other girls involved were great, I have made some definite friends for life and have received nothing but support and enthusiasm from every single one of them. It’s something I hope I have succeeded in returning and can honestly say that who ever wins, really deserves it.
Aside from those involved the response I have had about entering has still been mixed. Some points entirely relevant, others just ramblings from people who feel it’s their right to give you their opinion, be it hurtful or not. I’ve done my best to brush most aside and stand by the fact that having pictures of me in my underwear on Facebook differs in no way from those that have posted holiday snaps of themselves in their bikini’s. After all, how many of us have mucked about on the beach, jumped in the air for a comedic freeze frame or sat drinking cocktails at sunset in a skimpy two piece and smiled for the camera not thinking anything of it? I’ve seen plenty of photos like that…the fact that my new profile picture is me striking a Night Fever pose in my smalls is simply a reflection of my personality and my desire to keep things relatively lighthearted.
I have flitted between frivolity and reflection throughout the competition and now everything is coming to a head I am worried about so many things. I worry about how the photos will look of course, how they will compare to the other girls, what people will think about them. At the end of the day though, does that actually matter? It does of course but is it what matters most? I’ve never scrutinised myself so closely before (and had others do the same) and I did have a serious moment of thinking I may not be strong enough to see this all through. I will be putting myself out there again, asking for votes and support, and will constantly be having to find the motivation to do so. I’m not lazy, not in the least, but I do worry, about how I will stand up as a role model for anyone watching and those voting. About how people will see me and if my character will come out of those pictures and not just my bra size! I’ve never really considered myself inspirational, just those that inspire me. Can I actually represent all those people that have had the same struggles I have? That perhaps entered the competition but weren’t lucky enough to get this far? I don’t know, but what I do know is, it isn’t all about the underwear.
Anyway, it is an amazing privilege to be where I am and I don’t take it for granted. Nor the unfaltering support from all my friends and family so thank you.
So here my campaign begins again and this time it is to win. Can I do it? Who the heck knows. My slogan is that my curves and I just want world peace, intended as a very lighthearted tongue in cheek joke and only mentioned because what does actually set me apart? I have a one in ten chance and don’t deserve it any more than the other 9 girls in the running who are all beautiful and wonderfully curvy. Me being me though, I will give it my best shot, I have a local radio station on my side, I will approach all my local press and I will go about begging my friends to click that button just one more time. Will you?
Voting starts 19th April through the Curvy Kate Facebook page which you can find HERE. Or go to http://www.starinabra.com/ and VOTE LIZZIE of course! x